Forcing out her feelings
by Vigilluminatus
Summary: Ellis knows that Nadie loves her, but Nadie is telling herself, that her current life is good enough. Ellis can't see her suffer anymore. She decides to confront Nadie with her own feelings, even if this means hurting her beloved emotionally. Ellis/Nadie.
1. Unspoken feelings

That was fast. I guess I'm quite obsessed with Nadie/Ellis right now. You should maybe read "In denial" first, cause this fanfic here can be seen as an alternate version of chapter two and following. It won't be as long as the other fanfic though - I've planned only two chapters, although they have an open end. Well, we'll see how it works out.

Disclaimer: Nadie and Ellis aren't mine, neither is their anime. I'm sad. I wanna write a sequel.

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**Unspoken feelings**

Nadie was acting silly.

This was a new thing for Ellis. Since she had known the red-haired girl, Ellis had always admired Nadie. Because of her strength and that she could stand her ground in a world dominated by men. Because of her ability to deal with most different people – from being a cocky, yet determined opponent in a gunfight to being a helpful and caring person around her friends. And also... because of her beauty. Nadie wouldn't agree with that. Ellis knew that Nadie thought really pretty girls wouldn't be considered equal to men, but Ellis didn't think so. Because of her profession Nadie had an exotic appearance... a graceful, trained body, although hidden under her poncho most of the time... expressive eyes, which could be full of willpower and confidence in battle, but friendly and soft when looking at Ellis... long, surprisingly soft hair, entrancing when flowing in the wind.

And she was the only person Ellis liked to touch. She had always been quite indifferent to other humans. Yes, she had enjoyed it, when the professor had ruffled her hair, but she hadn't had the urge to return this. And she had liked ruffling Lirio's hair, holding the little girl's hand and playing with her in the pool of the hotel, where they had met. But this had been a... how did Nadie call it? A motherly feeling of taking care of somebody worth protecting. But with Nadie it was different. It simply felt good to touch Nadie... holding her hand, leaning on her shoulder, hugging her. It even was addictive, because Ellis never wanted to let go of the touch once it had started.

And she wasn't really hiding it. She loved being with Nadie... more than anything. But she still didn't know how to express her feelings very well. Sure, she knew how to act for expressing basic emotions, another thing she had learned thanks to Nadie, but a complex feeling like... love? She didn't know what to do. If Nadie asked her, she would tell her right away. But Nadie would never do that. Because she was deceiving herself. She was telling herself that she was Ellis' protector, teacher, motherly friend – and she WAS all that. But after all the time they had spent together, all the dangers they had faced together, Ellis knew that Nadie was feeling much more for her.

She had noticed all the small gestures. She knew them from the romance novels Nadie had allowed her to read. The small touches Nadie used to show her affection, like Nadie herself taking Ellis' hand while walking through town together, maybe without even noticing. And the bigger touches, like hugging Ellis fiercly, when she had briefly disappeared in the corn field of this old ghost-man once. Nadie didn't like touching people, Ellis had noticed that – even if she was a friendly person and didn't mind to talk to them at all. But she avoided touching them, unwittingly keeping her distance, a bounty-hunter-reflex maybe... and yet she had never hesitated to touch Ellis.

And the glances. When Ellis was looking at her, Nadie's face often showed a worried, amused or annoyed expression, and most of the time her eyes were warm and soft. But when she thought that Ellis couldn't see her... then her glances became really tender sometimes. Like when Ellis was in bed, seemingly asleep. But Ellis didn't need to look at Nadie – she could FEEL the other girl looking at her. She didn't know if that was a side effect of her witch powers, maybe because she had used them so often to heal Nadie's injuries or even bring the girl back from the brink of death. But Ellis always had this pleasant feeling then, like if Nadie's tender views were actually caressing Ellis' skin. And Nadie was doing that quite often, even if she was telling herself, that she felt for Ellis like she'd do for a little sister. Yet do you follow every curve of your sister's body with your eyes, while she's asleep?

And there also was the jealousy. Granted, Ellis had been jealous too... back then, when Nadie had been dining with Ricardo. Back then she had thought that it was just the feeling of neglect, but now she knew that she had actually been jealous... angry that Nadie was interested in someone else than her and worried that Ricardo could take her away from Ellis. This had been the time when she had started to wonder, what kind of feelings she really had for Nadie. But Nadie had shown such signs too. Back then, when they had met Antonio and his beautiful wife Margarita. Ellis had complimented Margarita, told her how good she was looking in her Amigo-Tacos-uniform, and Nadie had been quite angry because of that... had asked Ellis, if Nadie herself had looked bad in that kind of dress. And Ellis had seen the fear in Nadie's eyes... the pain when L.A. had told Ellis, that Nadie had just been hired to protect Ellis, nothing more. But Ellis had already known back then, that she was more for Nadie than just a job.

But Ellis didn't get, why Nadie couldn't just admit her feelings. Ellis had already tried to draw Nadie out several times. Like when she had posed in her Amigo-Tacos-uniform in front of Nadie. And well, Nadie HAD been startled by that... Ellis even thought that the girl had blushed a little. Or when Ellis had told Roberto and Nina, that she and Nadie couldn't stay with them... because she loved the freedom in Nadie's eyes when they were travelling. Ellis had even asked Nadie if they weren't a cute couple, right after this dinner with Ricardo. But she had felt that Nadie had been a little scared by that question, so she hadn't pressed any further. It had been too early.

Maybe... Nadie was scared of forming a deep relationship. To become a bounty hunter she had been forced to become strong... hard... able to suppress her feelings when leveling her weapon on a random guy. Yes, she certainly was able to be friendly with other people, more than Ellis was anyhow. But unlike Ellis Nadie seemed to be frightened by the thought of needing someone to continue living... maybe because she was scared of losing this person due to her dangerous lifestyle. Ellis understood that better than anyone. She had lost the professor, her father-figure, the only one she had known, who had cared for her in her youth. And the pain had been beyond description... until Ellis had learned to suppress her feelings nearly completely, becoming a human shell, feeling no pain anymore... and no happiness either. Or anything. No, Ellis didn't want Nadie to be in pain because of losing someone dear to her... but she didn't want her to deny her feelings either. The prize was way too high.

And besides... Nadie was already in pain. Like the professor had been in pain, denying his growing feelings for Ellis. His life had been sad, until he had finally admitted that Ellis was a daughter to him... not a „specimen". Sometimes at night, when Ellis was feeling Nadie's glances touching her body tenderly, she could also feel a glimpse of Nadie's pain. Because Nadie was deceiving herself. And this was no good lie, like the one Ellis had told the dying Don. This lie was hurting Nadie, because Nadie WANTED to love Ellis. But she was holding herself back. All the time. Because she was afraid of the pain of separation. And maybe because she wanted to save Ellis from this pain too, if something happened to Nadie.

Nadie was thinking far too complicated. She didn't even see that she could be happy again, if she just admitted her feelings... maybe not forever, but at least for some time. Maybe she even thought that she had to save Ellis from Nadie herself, because Ellis was still mostly a child in her opinion. That she wasn't allowed to destroy Ellis' innocence. Rubbish! Ellis had given her whole being to Nadie as a present long ago. Nadie was just too afraid to open the present. She thought that Ellis was not mature enough for that kind of love. But she was wrong.

Ellis had been waiting for someone like Nadie for a long time. For someone whom she could trust. Someone who would take care of her. Someone who would make her happy again... and someone whom she wanted to make happy too. She wanted Nadie to be happy, no matter what. That's why she had told Roberto and Nina, that they couldn't stay with them. Because she knew that Nadie was happiest when there were just the two of them, free without any obligations... at least now.

Ellis loved Nadie. She was IN LOVE with Nadie. She knew Nadie thought that Ellis couldn't understand such a feeling yet. But Ellis knew this feeling very well. She wanted to be with Nadie forever. She wanted Nadie to be happy. She wanted Nadie to be happy, because she was with Ellis. She knew that she was still quite unaware of the more... physical aspects of love, that had been hinted in her romance novels, but she even wanted to share this kind of love with no one else but Nadie. She already had tried to imagine, how kissing Nadie would feel like, and ever since then the... urge to do it had been growing inside of her. Because it would end Nadie's denial and show the true feelings of both of them. She wanted to be the one to fulfill all of Nadie's wishes... because Nadie had fulfilled Ellis' wish not to be alone anymore. With Nadie she had always felt safe... content... cared for. Loved.

It pained Ellis that Nadie was hurting herself. It pained her that Nadie didn't love her enough to shove her fear aside, to admit her true feelings. Ellis wanted to help Nadie finally recognizing them. To end Nadie's self-afflicted torment. To start the time of happiness they would share. Ellis was ready. And to prevent Nadie from hurting herself any longer... she was willing to take drastic measures.

--

Don't worry, there won't be too drastic measures in the next chapter - no bondage queen Ellis, folks. Yet she WILL be more aggressive than in "In denial". Told you I'd maybe write a fanfic with Ellis being the dominant girl.


	2. Deceiving her love

Kiros Razer: I appreciate your compliment. But I'm... eager to see what you'll say about this chapter. Ellis is quite... un-Ellis-like this time.

Well, since this one has gotten much longer than I thought, there'll still be another chapter.

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**Deceiving her love**

Ellis had been a little anxious the whole day. This night she would do it – she would confront Nadie with her feelings for Ellis. It wasn't really something she was looking forward to... she was a passive girl, she was very comfortable with Nadie being their spokesperson and her relying on Nadie. She enjoyed having someone to rely on. She had been alone for so long. But this time she would be the active one... for Nadie's sake. Even if it would hurt Nadie, at first at least. Ellis knew better than most humans that forcing out some feeling or memory, which another human had hidden deep inside the mind, was a painful process. She had gone through that when trying to remember the death of the professor, and she had prevailed. Because Nadie had been at her side, had given her strength. And now Ellis was feeling better. She really hoped that Nadie would feel better too.

And now they were here. In a hotel room again, for a change. For the whole week they had been sleeping in their jeep. Not that Ellis would mind, she liked watching the stars, feeling a warm breeze on her face... and being alone with Nadie. But tonight she might have to be a little... rough. Nadie was stubborn. She wouldn't give in easily. It was good that there was a soft bed to prevent any injuries. Ellis would hate herself, if she accidently hurt Nadie.

It wasn't a very big bed, since Nadie had asked for a single room with a chair in it, as usual. But it was comfortable, Ellis was already lying in it, staring at the ceiling. And Ellis had checked the key box at the desk, when Nadie had been ordering their room. There seemed to be no one but them on this floor. Good. Ellis didn't want anyone to interrupt their dialogue... it was a very private topic after all. And now she was waiting. Nadie was still in the bathroom. Ellis had been the first one showering. Ellis' heart was beating a little faster than normal. It was nearly time. And then the bathroomdoor opened. Nadie was already in her poncho again, trying to tame her long, messy hair, which was just as stubborn as she was. Ellis had to smile. Nadie looked cute when she was annoyed.

Nadie was mumbling, probably cursing quietly. Then she noticed that Ellis wasn't asleep. „Hey, Ellis, why are you still awake?" she asked her, still trying to defeat her own hair. „Can't you sleep?"

„I was waiting for you" Ellis told her, shifting in her bed. Nadie's eyes followed the move, although just for a second.

„Huh? For me?" Nadie asked her a little absent-mindedly. Then she gave up and moved her hands away from her hair. She sighed and sat down in her chair. „Ah, I'll deal with that tomorrow."

„I wanted to ask you something, Nadie" Ellis announced, not taking her eyes away from Nadie's face. „Something important."

„Well, so shoot", Nadie replied while searching for her blanket.

Ellis swallowed. „Nadie... have you ever been in bed with someone else?" As the other girl froze in place, Ellis corrected herself quickly: „I mean, did you ever ask someone to stay with you until you fell asleep... like your mother... or your father?"

Nadie visibly relaxed. She looked at Ellis, forcing a little smile. „You should be more careful with words, Ellis" she joked. „You scared me for a second." But when she saw the serious expression in Ellis' face, she became serious too. „Yes... when I was little... I sometimes asked my mom to stay with me. Why do you ask?"

Ellis didn't answer. „Did it feel good?" she asked her companion, still looking into Nadie's deep, expressive eyes. Right now Ellis could see confusion there.

„Well... yes" Nadie answered, still not getting what Ellis really wanted to know. „It was a very pleasant feeling... of safety... and love." She took a brace. „Ellis, what do you really wanna know?"

Ellis looked away. She was doing all that to help Nadie... by tricking her first. But she couldn't hinder her own sad childhood memories from awakening again. Maybe... deceiving Nadie like she had in mind would help them both... for a short time... until Ellis would eventually start their talk about Nadie's emotions. And tear open Nadie's festering wound.

„I never had a mother" she said with a nearly neutral voice, mixed with a tiny bit of sadness, while looking out of the window. „I grew up as an experiment... and when the professor realized his feelings for me, I was already too old..."

There. She could feel Nadie's glance on her skin again. But this time it wasn't a longing, caressing glance, but one full of compassion and empathy. This was one of the things, why Ellis loved Nadie so much. It nearly tore her apart that she had to deceive her friend to help her.

„Oh Ellis" Nadie said, sounding sad. Just that, nothing more. She knew, that Ellis knew, that Nadie felt sorry for her. She didn't have to say it. They knew each other well.

Ellis said nothing. It was a long moment. Then she spoke up again. Acting shyly. „Nadie... could you... with me...? Just for tonight?"

There was a silent moment again. Ellis looked at Nadie. There was a strange expression on her face. Not disgusted, but no understanding smile either. More... analyzing. Like if she was willing to do, what Ellis had asked for, but only if Ellis truely needed it... and like she was searching for hints for that. Ellis just looked at her pleadingly. She was very good at doing that.

„You want me to comfort you, Ellis?" Nadie inquired. Her voice was soft, but there was still some doubt in it. „You want me to sleep in your bed... like a mother would do?"

Ellis pulled her knees up to her chest. „Please" she just whispered. She felt bad for doing this, although she knew it was necessary... but the truth was she also WANTED it to happen.

There was a moment of uncertainty, but then Nadie smiled at her. It was done. „Alright" Nadie told her and stood up, approaching the bed. She went into a kneeling position, throwing Ellis a fake stern look. „But only tonight, okay?" she told Ellis. „After all you are no baby anymore. And no singing!"

Ellis grinned briefly. „Yes sir!" she said and made room for Nadie in the bed. She watched Nadie getting rid of her poncho, revealing her slender, athletic and still so womanly body. She had been feeling a little guilty, but now the thought of luring Nadie into her bed was making her more and more... comfortable. Strange. Then Nadie slipped under the covers. Some body parts were a bit cold, especially the wet hair, but Ellis didn't mind. Her body reacted automatically, pulling Nadie into a hug and placing her head on Nadie's chest, closing her eyes and listening to Nadie's heartbeat. Nadie seemed to be a little taken aback because of Ellis'... eagerness, but soon enough she hugged Ellis back. Ellis moaned. It felt so good.

„Feeling better now?" Nadie asked, obviously amused by the moan, lifting her hand and running her fingers through Ellis' hair.

Ellis sighed with pleasure. „Hai" she answered quietly. „I always feel safe when I am around you, Nadie. Just like you felt safe around your mother."

Nadie snorted. „Don't say that" she pleaded. „I'm not your mother, Ellis."

Ellis hugged her a little firmer. The satisfying feeling was leaving her body. She was a bit sad... but it had to be. It was time now. „No" she agreed with Nadie. „No, you are not."

There was another moment of silence between them, with Nadie continuing to ruffle Ellis' hair and Ellis preparing herself for what she had to do. She inhaled Nadie's scent.

„Ellis?" Nadie asked her. „What are you doing?"

„I like your smell, Nadie" Ellis told her. „It's very comforting."

Nadie chuckled. She seemed to be a little bewildered. „You're freaking me out a bit, Ellis" she said. „I bet you're just smelling the shampoo I used."

„No", Ellis denied, lifted her head from Nadie's chest and looked into the other girl's eyes. „I also like your smell, when you are sweaty. I like all things about Nadie."

Nadie let out a small laugh, but as she spoke, her voice sounded too amused to hide her anxiety altogether. „What are you talking about, Ellis?" she asked the blonde girl. „I'm sure you at least like Lirio more than me."

„No" Ellis said again. She ended her embrace and put her hands on Nadie's cheeks. The other girl looked REALLY uneasy now... and yet also... strangely alluring. What an ingriguing feeling! „I like Lirio very much... but Nadie is different. Lirio doesn't have Nadie's aura... Nadie's beautiful aura... which makes her so special for all of my senses."

„Ellis..." Nadie whispered. She looked positively worried now. „Is this... some strange witch-thing?"

Ellis smiled gently, but this only seemed to deepen Nadie's worry. Still Ellis continued to enjoy the feeling of Nadie's skin on her fingers. „Who knows?" she asked serenely.

„Ellis, you are not acting normally" Nadie told her, trying not to sound alarmed. „Please stop that."

Yes, Nadie was right. Ellis had to stop this. She wouldn't reach Nadie that way, the girl was already too scared. Then there was only one more thing she could do. Although she didn't like it. She sighed and moved her hands away from Nadie's face.

„I'm sorry, Nadie" she simply said.

Nadie was nowhere prepared for what happened to her. Ellis grabbed both of Nadie's wrists and firmly pushed them deep into the cushion next to Nadie's head. Then she followed her hands with her body and sat down on Nadie's loins, Ellis' thighs pinning Nadie down effectively. After she had overcome her surprise – and her blush as Ellis touched her loins –, Nadie began to squirm. But it was no use. Had she forgotten that Ellis was a witch? That she could use her powers to gain great strength... strength like L.A., only without his restrictions?

„Ellis!" Nadie cursed. „What are you doing? Release me, immediately!" Then she finally noticed that Ellis' face was VERY close to her own face now, that Ellis' breasts were brushing against Nadie's each time one of the girls was breathing, that Ellis' arms were touching Nadie's, her hands still maintaining her iron grip around Nadie's wrists. Ellis could see the fear in Nadie's eyes. She was quite sure that the other girl couldn't understand the expression in Ellis' own eyes... sadness, determinition, a little hope and... even... excitement. Which Ellis didn't fully understand herself. But it didn't matter. Somehow Nadie's smell had... intensified, causing Ellis to breathe harder. Still she felt a little lightheaded. She saw how her breath caused Nadie to shiver, when it reached the girl's skin.

„Ellis" Nadie whispered, barely hearable, frozen in terror. „What...?"

„Nadie" Ellis breathed. Nadie was helpless. In Ellis' control. It should sadden Ellis to see a strong girl like Nadie in this position... and it somehow did. And yet... Nadie was also looking so... tempting... „Nadie... we need to talk."

--

Uuuuuh... doesn't Ellis sound a little bit too cough excited? She won't rape Nadie, I swear, but still... do you think she is too OOC?


	3. Face your feelings!

Warning, hot steam ahead! No, not really, it's more of a "tearful confession"-chapter. Not such a happy thing like in "In denial". Let's see how you like it.

Kiros Razer and Spikesagitta: I guess you're right. It's just that I don't like fanfics that completely redo charas without telling the reasons, why they've changed. I hope my fics have enough background, because this time Nadie will be VERY different from the show. Ellis not SO much, I think, but still she'll be the active one.

yaya: There is nothing BUT Nadie x Ellis-stories in this section, as it seems... okay, it IS a dominant pairing. Although it's more of an Ellis x Nadie-story, if we want to see them as a seme/uke-pairing. That's much harder to write than the other way around without completely destroying Ellis' personality. I prefer to see it as just a temporary switch of their roles, but enough now. Just read the chapter.

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**Face your feelings!**

Why was it so hard to think? Ellis didn't understand. She was here, in this position, to help Nadie recognize her feelings... wasn't she? So why could she not stop staring at Nadie's slightly parted lips, which were so CLOSE to her own? She had an important mission to finish!

„Nadie..." Her voice sounded husky in her own ears. „Why are you hurting yourself?"

Nadie blinked, then the angry expression returned to her face. She squirmed again. Ellis didn't know why, but this somehow felt... exciting. „What are you talking about?" Nadie grinded her teeth. „Stop this immediately, Ellis!"

A quite frightening thought popped up in Ellis' mind... the thought that she was acting quite like L.A. This helped her regaining some control over her thoughts again, but these strange... feelings didn't completely vanish. Her heart continued to beat faster than normal. She swallowed. Why was there so much saliva in her mouth? „Nadie, I know that you have feelings for me" she told the trapped girl.

Nadie cursed again. „The hell? Of couse I like you, Ellis! But if you don't stop this right now..."

Ellis increased the pressure on Nadie's wrists. Nadie HAD TO listen! „Nadie, you are hurting me too, when you deceive yourself like that", she said, in a quieter voice this time.

„You aren't making any sense" Nadie exclaimed, still clearly angry, but with a thoughtful gleam in her eyes. „Ellis... have your powers gone out of control? Is this their doing?"

Truth be told, Ellis wasn't sure. This strange... warmth inside of her body, her heightened senses, the feeling like small bolts of power flowing through her veins whenever Nadie moved beneath her, making her heart beating faster... she didn't know her witch powers too well, maybe they WERE causing these things. Still... she was in control. She had to continue. And since Nadie still refused to listen...

„Nadie, I love you."

Now Nadie froze beneath her. For one moment, there was pure shock in her eyes, her face went pale and all strength vanished from the girl's body. Then she returned to normal, although staying a bit pale, faking a smile. „Ellis, you have read too many romance novels" she told the blonde girl, sounding way too light-hearted. She clenched her fists, looking at Ellis' hands on her wrists. „Have you read THIS too? I think this is a little too... exotic for you."

The excitement was slowly vanishing from Ellis' body. This fake happiness on Nadie's face made her sad. „Nadie, I can't stand watching you hiding your feelings any longer" Ellis explained. „It's not good for you."

„What the frickin' hell are you talking about?" Nadie shouted, getting angry again. „I'm fine!"

„I know that you are staring at me, Nadie" Ellis told the struggling girl. „At night, when you think I'm sleeping. That you are staring at my whole body, not just my face. I know that you like touching me... holding my hand, ruffling my hair, hugging me... even if you avoid touching other people. And I know about your jealousy. You don't like it, when I take too much interest in other people... especially in pretty women like Margarita." Nadie had stopped struggling. She was trying to look unconcerned, but the slight blush on her cheeks was betraying her. She said nothing, so Ellis continued softly: „Nadie, why can't you just admit your feelings?"

„You know nothing about love, Ellis" Nadie said defiantly. „Yes, I love you... as a friend! A best friend! A soulmate, if you will! Why don't you believe me?"

It sounded accusingly, but Ellis saw through it. Nadie was simply scared. „Because I can feel your pain, Nadie" Ellis answered her, loosening her grip on Nadie's wrists a little bit. „I can feel the sadness, when you are watching me at night... the sadness, that you can look at me, but not touch me. Nadie, I KNOW! Why can't you simply say it?" The last words had been in a pleading tone.

Nadie averted her eyes and closed them. Ellis could see the growing tears in the pale moonlight. She felt a stitch in her heart. Even the last traces of excitement left her body. „Yes" Nadie confirmed, her voice being croaky. „Yes, okay? I like looking at you... I enjoy it. You're just too pretty while sleeping... I can't resist sometimes."

Ellis' touched the side of Nadie's head with her forehead, Ellis' mouth now being next to Nadie's ear. „Why didn't you tell me, Nadie?" she asked the other girl. Was it Nadie's pain she was feeling right now... or was it her own one, created from Nadie's pain? „I have been waiting for you to do so."

„Ellis..." Nadie whispered, her voice sounding pressed. „I... I CAN'T destroy your purity! It's what makes you so... beautiful..."

„But my purity is yours, Nadie" Ellis whispered back, her hands now caressing Nadie's wrists instead of holding them down. „My whole being is yours. I gave myself to you as a gift long ago. I love you!"

„No!"

Ellis was startled when Nadie suddenly tried to free herself from Ellis' grip. In the end it was just thanks to Ellis' superhuman reflexes and strength, both enhanced by her witch powers, that she could hold Nadie down. When she looked into her face, she saw the red-haired girl glaring at her, two silver tears running down her cheeks. Ellis had never seen so much frustration and self-hate in anyone's eyes.

„You know nothing" Nadie repeated, her voice slightly quivering. „Love is about taking AND giving! You are an angel, Ellis... an innocent maiden, offering yourself without asking for anything. But that is not right... so it's no true love."

Ellis closed her eyes. „And how do you think my life has been, before I met you, Nadie?" she asked the other girl in a calm and steady voice. „I will tell you. It was a life without feelings... without goals... without meaning. I didn't care at all, if I lived or died." She opened her eyes again. „But when I met you, everything changed. Thanks to you I am learning, seeing, experiencing new things every day! And you are at my side all the time, preventing me from getting hurt because of my naivety!" Ellis was trying hard to make all this love visible on her face, that she was feeling right now. It seemed to work somehow, because Nadie was just staring at her, stunned. „Nadie, it wasn't Rosenberg who gave me life... it was you! You showed me that this world can be beautiful too, not just painful. And because of that I want to be with you forever... feel this happiness forever... and I want you to feel it too."

„Why... why are doing this to me, Ellis?" Nadie was slightly sobbing now. Her eyes were closed, but there were still new tears forming inside. „This feeling is just gratefulness... not love. I am glad that you enjoy being with me that much... that I have been able to help you feel again... but... but what you want to give me, Ellis... you cannot give it to anyone else than your true love. You can't!"

Now Ellis' eyes were getting wet too. Why didn't Nadie understand? „Why can't you believe it?" Ellis asked, her voice showing her tears more openly than her eyes did. „Why can't you believe that YOU are my true love, Nadie? Yes, I feel much gratitude for you... you don't know how much. But you mean so much more to me! I... I love you, because you protect me! I love you, because you are always friendly and patient with me! I love you, because you gave me the will to live!" She sat up, her eyes burning. She hadn't known that a human could feel so many emotions at one time... love, desperation, anger, determination, pain, frustration... it was overwhelming. „And I love your body too... your lively eyes, your smiling lips, your hair dancing in the wind like flames, reminding me of your warmth... the feeling of your skin on my skin, which makes me feel strangely satisfied and excited at the same time. I love YOU, Nadie... the whole you!"

Nadie didn't answer. She couldn't. Because she was desperately trying to hold back her tears... and failing miserably. Ellis started crying too. Still... still there was a stubborn part inside of Nadie, a part that didn't allow her to unleash her feelings. But why? What else could Ellis do to help her? Ellis released Nadie's wrists and put her hands on Nadie's cheeks, wiping the tears away. It didn't help much.

„Nadie, PLEASE... say it! Just this once! We never have to mention it again... just get rid of your pain, Nadie... and mine."

„I can't" Nadie forced herself to say, still not being able to look at Ellis. „It... it would change everything... between us. I don't want that. I don't want you... to change." Her voice became even more quiet, barely a whisper. „Because you are... so perfect, Ellis."

Ellis let out a sigh. She really hadn't wanted to do this. She lowered her head down to Nadie's ear. „Nadie" she breathed, her voice dripping with sadness, „if you don't say it... I will leave you. Forever."

She felt Nadie's body stiffen beneath her. Nadie's voice was full of unbelief... and fear. „You can't!"

„I will, Nadie" Ellis assured the red-haired girl, still speaking quietly into her ear. „I can't bear being the reason for your pain anymore. If you don't end it, here and now... I will go."

„You can't mean that!" Nadie exclaimed louder than before, but Ellis could hear the plain panic behind the words even better. Nadie's hands grabbed Ellis' forearms. So hard that Ellis' skin around Nadie's fingers became white. Ellis didn't care. She lifted her head, positioning it right in front of Nadie's face again, her hands still tenderly holding Nadie's cheeks.

„Why not, Nadie?" she asked the other girl in her gentlest voice. She even managed to produce a sad little smile. „Tell me."

„Because..." Even now it was hard for her. Why? For Ellis it had been so easy to accept her feelings. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was that it was nearly done. „Because... I..."

Ellis lowered her head, until their lips were just millimeters apart. There was it again, this strange, exciting feeling. Why was it returning now? Because she could feel Nadie's warm breath on her lips? Because she felt a nearly gravitative force emitting from Nadie's opened mouth? „Say it, Nadie" she whispered. Even her voice had changed without her ordering it. It didn't sound sad anymore... at least not much... but... beguiling? „For the both of us."

„I love you." It was barely a whisper. Ellis could feel Nadie's words more than she could hear them. Then a little louder: „I love you, Ellis."

Ellis didn't waste any time with answering Nadie. She had already told her many times that she loved her. Or rather, Ellis' body reacted on its own, before she could do anything, just like her voice had changed before. Not that she would mind, she would have done the same, if Ellis had actually been able to control her body. But she wasn't, her mind was overwhelmed by Nadie's words. Yet her body still knew that it wanted something.

Ellis' lips brushed Nadie's briefly, feeling like a slight breeze. And this short contact sent a hot shockwave through her body, making her exhale sharply. She heard Nadie moan protestingly, but it seemed to be far away – her senses were far too busy enjoying this pleasure. She didn't know why exactly her body was teasing Nadie, but it seemed to know what it was doing. Even if she was a little worried about the increasing pressure deep inside of her.

A needless fear, the next thing she felt were Nadie's lips on her own, not hard enough to hurt, but definitely much more intense than before. For one second she wondered, if it had been Nadie pulling her into a kiss, but it had indeed been Ellis lowering her head and crossing the distance between their mouths. It was hard to think right now, even to notice things that were not currently racing through her body. Nadie seemed to be completely submissive, waiting for Ellis to take action. This was unusual, especially since Ellis had no experience in this matter, but she was very eager to try her best. Ellis lowered her body onto Nadie's, feeling the other girl's naked skin through her nightgown, but it was just one incredible sensation beneath so many. Her hands left Nadie's cheeks, one of them burying itself in Nadie's hair, the other one caressing Nadie's right arm, finally arriving at the hand and intertwining their fingers. She hoped that Nadie could feel these things too. This was enough, oh so much more than enough, to cure Nadie's pain.

Their lips played with each other, duelled each other, teased each other, yet they didn't cross the line of involving tongues this time. This was something Ellis wanted to save for another kiss... a kiss that wasn't tainted by Nadie's pain... their second first kiss, which would be even better than this one, even if it was hard to believe that right now. They began to run out of breath, and even then it was very hard to end the kiss... because Nadie was right, something would have changed between them, once they were able to think again.

But as their mouths finally parted, Ellis had to focus solely on panting first. Ellis felt Nadie's chest press against her own rhythmically, sending more, tinier waves of excitement through her body. The air in the room seemed to be much colder than before. Ellis was a little scared... this had been so unlike her, she had been so eager, so greedy, so yearning... what would Nadie think of her now?

„Nadie" she breathed. „How...?"

„This wasn't right, Ellis" she heard Nadie's voice. But although the words should have hurt her, she sensed no belief in them. „This wasn't... right."

„It can be right" she objected. But she knew that Nadie wasn't ready for more tonight... and she wasn't either probably. It was enough... for now. She moved her body to the side, leaving her comfortable position on top of Nadie's warm body and gliding onto the empty mattress next to her. Yet she still couldn't leave Nadie altogether, so she snuggled up to the girl, putting her hand around Nadie's waist and placing her head beneath Nadie's right shoulder and cheek. „But it's enough for tonight" she agreed with Nadie, using her softest voice. „Nadie... is the pain gone now? Do you regret the words you said?"

There was a moment of silence. „I don't know" she heard Nadie's faint voice. It was no happy voice... but it wasn't a sad voice either. Good enough. „I..."

Ellis layed her chin on Nadie's shoulder, hugging the girl a little tighter. „It's alright" she assured the redhead. „I won't ask anything of you, Nadie. As long as you aren't in pain anymore, I will be happy. No matter what happens now." That wasn't the whole truth. Ellis WANTED them to be more than just close friends. She WANTED Nadie to repeat these sweet three words again and again. She WANTED Nadie to share Ellis' happiness without her stupid sorrows. But Ellis wouldn't press her. She had been waiting years for Nadie to find her... she could wait a little longer for Nadie to embrace her feelings.

Suddenly Nadie moved. Ellis had still been lost in her thoughts, so she was a little surprised, when she was pulled into a hug, Nadie's hands gently pressed against Ellis' neck and back. And then Ellis felt the other girl sobbing. Oh no! She had overdone it! She had scared Nadie too much! She had...

„Thank you." The words were low-voiced and affected by sobs. But they were deep, full of gratefulness and love. Even if Nadie would still need time to grow accustomed to her own feelings, these words showed Ellis that something between them had indeed changed. „Thank you... for helping me... Ellis."

Ellis smiled. Her hands moved up to Nadie's back, softly caressing it. Nadie had taught her something new again. There was not only something like good lies... there was something like good tears too. „Shhhh" she made. „I will always be there for you, Nadie. Just like you have always been there for me." They needed each other. And one day... maybe not too far away... Nadie would truely understand that. And then they would share their second first kiss. The perfect kiss. And it would be worth all of these tears... the bad and the good ones.

Some time later they fell asleep, still huddled up to one another... just like the loving couple they weren't yet, but they would soon be.

--

Damn, this still doesn't feel like a good ending... I miss something like the "Calm after the storm"-chapter in "In denial". Well, I guess I should write one, but that could take a while, since I need to plan it first - and get some work done at home. Stay patient... and tell me, do you like Nadie being submissive... or do you prefer their relationship becoming "normal" again (not wholly though, of course, they know each other better now)?


	4. A changed relationship

bigtomato and Rad Amber: Welcome to the final chapter, new readers!

Tsukkii: Well, in this chapter Ellis won't be like that anymore, sorry. It's a "Consequences of a night"-chapter after all.

yaya: Sure, Ellis might be a little more honest about her feelings in the show, but I still think what she did in the last chapter was... extraordinary. Yeah, Ricardo, Jody and L.A. would be nice, but I don't have time to write another story right now. Well, maybe another time.

Kiros Razer: Nice character study. As you can see in my FFs, I'm more a fan of Ellis starting their true relationship... yet in quite different ways. But maybe next time Nadie will have the honor, who knows?

Spikesagitta: Decision made. I'd say they both have changed a bit, but not as much as in the last chapter.

Thanks for all the comments! Maybe I'll write another one, although I don't have any plans right now... still, have fun with this chapter!

--

**A changed relationship  
**

When Ellis awoke, the bed next to her was empty. At first, still half-asleep, she didn't realize what that meant, because it was normal for her to wake up alone in a bed. But then she remembered the night before. And Nadie's absence hit her. She opened her eyes and looked around frantically. No, Nadie wouldn't leave her, never! She had been there for Ellis since they had met! It would take more than just Ellis' strange behavior last night to scare her away... wouldn't it?

But the red-haired girl was just sitting in her chair. She was already fully dressed, hiding most of her body from Ellis' gaze again. She was staring out of the window, not looking into Ellis' direction, although Ellis was sure that she was aware of her being awake. Her face was bare of all emotions. It seemed like she just didn't... want to look at Ellis.

„Nadie?"

Ellis' voice had been quiet, carefully searching for a sign of Nadie being alright. But the girl continued to stare outside. Ellis felt a short, hot knife of guilt inside of her chest. This was her doing.

„Nadie? Are you... ok?"

No reaction. Still, now that she took a better look on Nadie's face... it didn't seem like the girl had fled the world because of an overwhelming pain. Ellis knew this kind of face very well. She had worn it for years. And Nadie's eyes were alive... she might be lost in thoughts or simply too angry at Ellis to answer her, but she was still HERE. That thought comforted Ellis, although she was still worried about Nadie's strange... cold... behavior.

„Nadie, you are scaring me" Ellis exclaimed a little louder, but then her voice became quiet again. „Please say something... anything!"

She waited some more painfully silent moments, but just as she thought that Nadie wouldn't respond again, the girl said something. Her voice was blank... not really cold, more like if Nadie didn't want to show any feelings right now.

„You were very different" Nadie told her, still not looking at her. Somehow this made her voice sound worse... uninterested, simply stating a fact. „Last night."

Ellis didn't reply. These words made her sad... now she was sure that she HAD hurt Nadie. But the girl was talking to her, and she didn't want her to stop. Everything was better than silence.

„And it wasn't because of your powers" Nadie continued. „It was your own free will. Wasn't it, Ellis?"

„I just wanted to help you, Nadie" Ellis muttered. She lowered her head. How naive she had been! She had thought that making Nadie confess her love for her would make both of them happy. When Nadie had thanked her last night, Ellis had been sure that the girl had forgiven her the... extraordinary treatment Ellis had put her through. But now something new was between them... something colder.

Out of the tail of her eyes she caught Nadie shooting a glance at her, but when she looked up, the girl was already staring out of the window again. „You DID help me, Ellis... somehow." A short pause. „You were right, hiding my feelings deep inside wasn't a good thing to do. But the way how you helped me..." She broke off.

„But you would have avoided me otherwise" Ellis claimed, trying not to sound accusing. The last thing she wanted was offending Nadie and ending their talk. „You just would have changed the topic or left the room."

Nadie closed her eyes and lowered her head. „Maybe you are right" she admitted. Nothing more.

Ellis pushed her blanket away and sat up, turning around her body until she was looking directly into Nadie's direction. „Nadie, I don't like you being so offhand with me" she said. „Please just tell me what's wrong. Are you mad at me? Do you want us..." She broke off, realizing what she had been about to say. She swallowed and finished the sentence, sounding much more vulnerable. „Do you want us to split up?"

That was a frightening thought. Last night Ellis hadn't been afraid... because the night was her domain. The night was a time of privacy... intimacy. The world and other people weren't important at night... just she and Nadie were. And she was very good at sensing Nadie's feelings and needs... or so she had thought. But now it was daytime... Nadie's domain. And now Nadie was reflecting, how Ellis had changed their relationship to the world around them. How Ellis had changed HER. Ellis wasn't one to think about consequences. She had always been relying on Nadie for that. But now she had hurt Nadie while trying to help her... and the consequences, which came to her mind now, were frightening.

Nadie sighed, her eyes still closed. She folded her arms in front of her chest. „No, Ellis" she calmed the blonde girl down. „I don't want us to split up. I told you that I love you... and I mean it. I won't leave you after telling you this."

„But why are you so... so unapproachable then, Nadie?" Ellis asked the other girl. Her voice sounded desperate in her own ears, and she felt her eyes getting wet. „This isn't how love should be... it's so lonely... and cold."

Nadie turned around along with the chair. She crossed her legs and opened her eyes, facing Ellis. Her eyes were strong again, not full of sadness and fear like yesterday... but she had never looked at Ellis THAT way. It was a stern look. A look for wrongdoers. Ellis shrinked involuntarily.

„You only know the pretty side of love, Ellis" she lectured the other girl. „Maybe I should have told you before, but I didn't think it was necessary. Love is not just about kissing and laughing. Love sometimes also means pain, struggle and hurt... and time. Time to rebuild the mutual trust between two people. Sometimes these things can make the love even stronger... but sometimes they are enough to destroy the love."

„No!" Ellis burst out, crossing her hands in front of her chest. It was aching... aching like when the professor had been shot. Not actually hurting yet, but promising upcoming loneliness... and pain. „Please, Nadie! Just tell me, what I need to do to regain your trust! I'll do it!"

Nadie's glance became a little more understanding... or pitying? „Ellis, it isn't like that... I guess, I have to tell you, WHY your actions shocked me THAT much." She sighed and looked up to the ceiling. „I think when we met Miguel, I told you that I've been working in restaurants and inns in my youth, right?" When Ellis nodded, she continued. Her face was very serious now: „Well, but you don't know why. I had to find work, because my parents were killed in a bandit attack on my village. I was 11 years old back then."

Ellis heart cramped. „Nadie..."

„I told you to listen, Ellis" Nadie interrupted sternly. There seemed to be hardly any sadness in her voice. Either she was hiding it... or she was resigned to these events. „It wasn't such a bad time... I had to work, yes, but I had enough money to make a living. And most of the guests weren't TOO rude... well, until that day..." Nadie's lips tightened for a moment. „They were a small gang... the moment they came in my boss knew they meant trouble. Guns, bad manners, willing to get drunk... She told me to be extra careful. And I was. I tried to stay away from them while not being unfriendly... unfortunately I seemed to be to their liking. I was still very young... 14 I think... and my uniform was made to accentuate female features, although I didn't really have those back then. Well, to make things short, they got quite drunk, and they started making dirty jokes... and grabbing my bottom."

Until now Ellis had just felt sorry for Nadie... Ellis herself hadn't had a nice childhood, but at least there had been the professor, although he hadn't shown any affection for her for quite some time... but Nadie had had no one. And unlike Ellis she had continued living. Nadie had been strong... the feature about her Ellis admired most. But when Ellis heard about these... dirty men, she got angry. The thought of them TOUCHING Nadie, when she didn't want to be touched, debasing Nadie's strength and pride, made Ellis' blood boil. How DARED...?

Nadie didn't seem to enjoy the memory either, her mouth was a bitter line. But she was too caught up in it to notice Ellis' change of mood... or the rising temperature around the girl. „Then a man walked in" Nadie continued. „He was obviously a stranger, and a special one... the way he looked around, how he seemed to analyze each person in the room with a single glance... it was the most intense gaze I had ever seen. For a moment there was a deep silence, then he went to the bar and everyone started talking again... quieter though. The gang didn't seem to like him. They paid and left the inn immediately. I was thankful for that, even if the man was scary."

Nadie's look became harder. Ellis could tell that the climax of the story was near. „When worktime was over, I left the inn" Nadie told her. „I wasn't living there, but my flat wasn't that far away. It was a quiet town, there had never been a reason to worry about walking home at night alone before. But... the gang hadn't left town, like I had thought. They had been waiting for me. Suddenly I was dragged into a side road and pressed against a wall. When I heard them laugh, I immediately knew it was them."

Ellis put her hand on her chest and clenched it, nearly ripping the fabric of her dress. Her eyes were wet again, but she forced herself to remain silent. Whatever Nadie wanted her to hear, Ellis deserved it.

„I wasn't totally helpless" Nadie announced, but her voice wasn't as calm as she wanted it to sound. „When they forced me around, I kicked and I hit something very precious to men... but even with one down, there were still three of them. They were drunk, so I was able to land one or two more hits, but then they forced me to the ground... and suddenly a knife appeared next to my head." A quiet wail escaped Ellis' throat, but Nadie didn't hear it. Her grip around her own arms tightened involuntarily. „They told me that they wouldn't kill me, as long as I didn't scream. They told me that I might even enjoy it... after all they were quite experienced." She clenched her teeth for a moment. „Their breath smelled awful. And in the darkness they looked even more terrifying than before. All I wanted was to get away as far as possible, but I was helpless... they had pinned me to the ground, my arms and legs in tight grips. And then one of them... forced my legs apart... and lowered himself down on me."

Ellis was shocked. She hadn't known about rape before. The professor hadn't had a reason to teach her the facts of life, and the old woman, who had told Nadie to protect Ellis, had only given her some basic warnings about men... but she now she understood these warnings! She was still too naive to know, what these men would have exactly done to Nadie... she knew much about romantic love, but the only things about sex she actually knew were the glimpses of sexual attraction she had been feeling in the weeks before, especially last night. But she knew from Nadie's story that the men would have done SOMETHING to Nadie that she would have hated. They would have forced this independent and strong girl to obey them. And it was still bothering her today, as she could see in Nadie's tense posture. Ellis even felt... dirty, as she imagined a drunk, brawny man lowering himself down on a younger Nadie, whatever he would have done. She covered her mouth with her hand to prevent her sobs from escaping.

Nadie threw her a quick look. She relaxed a bit. „I'm not sure if you know what these men would have done to me... and I don't think you SHOULD know. Let's just say it would have made me feel awful... for a long time. But they had no time to do it. Suddenly the man above me was shot in the head. Right in front of my eyes. I didn't even realize the other men were killed too in the following seconds, all I could see was this dead guy falling on me, covering my face in blood." Nade made a short pause, watching Ellis' tears. „The next thing I know is this strange man freeing me from the corpse... he was a bounty hunter, who had been looking for this gang. I was scared to death... he simply put his gun away and waited until I had calmed down a little. He told me that he had been hunting these men for a while... that they were robbers and murderers. I was still shaky and frightened, but he brought me back to the inn." Nadie closed her eyes, but when she opened them, her gaze was softer than before. „When he came back to the inn on the next day, I asked him to teach me handling a gun. He seemed to be impressed that I had recovered so fast. I told him that there was no one to protect me, and after some bargaining he taught me the basics before he left. A short time later I left the inn too... and two or three years later I was a bounty hunter... hunting men like those of this gang."

Nadie stopped. For a short time there was no noise in the room except Ellis' sobs. Nadie seemed to wait for Ellis to say something, but it was hard. She would have never thought...

„I did the same!" Ellis suddenly exclaimed. She lowered her head, still trying to fight the tears. „Oh Nadie, I did the same thing... like those men! I pinned you down and grabbed your hands, forcing you to listen to me..." She broke off. She had hurt Nadie so much, waking these memories. Oh, if she had just known...

She somehow heard the steps, but she didn't realize what they meant. Her mind was clouded by shame and regret. So when Nadie sat down next to her, pressed Ellis' head on her chest and laid her head on Ellis' hair, Ellis was completely confused. Wasn't Nadie angry at her for waking these memories?

„You are not like these men, Ellis" Nadie told her. Her voice wasn't as gentle or amused as usual, when she spoke with Ellis, but Ellis calmed down nonetheless. All that mattered was that Nadie wasn't angry... although she didn't know why. „You could never be like them. You wanted to HELP me... you just used the same methods as them. That's why I wanted to break free so desperately... and at least partially why I was so relucant to tell you about my feelings. Your behavior unconsciously reminded me of these men."

„Oh god, Nadie, I'm so sorry!" Ellis burst out, hugging the other girl back. She started crying again, although not as hard as before. „I brought back all this pain to you..."

„No, Ellis, that's not true" Nadie assured her, caressing Ellis' hair. „I told you, they didn't have time to hurt me... not really... and I got over it long ago. It's just..." She stopped running her fingers through Ellis' hair. „... you did something I would have never expected of you. Used... methods... I thought you couldn't even imagine. That's what scared me much more than the memories of these men... that's what I was still scared of when you woke up today. You are such a gentle, innocent girl, Ellis, often acting like a child... but not last night. Last night you acted like an adult. Like a whole different person."

Ellis pressed her head tighter against Nadie's chest. „That's not true" she whispered. „I didn't act like an adult... I acted like a child. I thought if I just made you realize your feelings, everything would be fine again."

„You are right" Nadie agreed. She sounded thoughtful. „You were thinking like a child, but acting like an adult." She shoved Ellis away from her gently, but kept her hands on the girl's shoulders. She smiled reassuringly. „I'm not mad at you, Ellis... you just should be more careful with important things and topics like that next time. You are growing up now, but you still don't know many things about adults. Although..." Suddenly her smile changed into a grin. „... you didn't sound sad ALL the time yesterday. Sometimes you seemed to be... excited."

Ellis lowered her head. „I'm sorry" she mumbled. „I don't know what happened... maybe you were right and my powers got out of control. I couldn't think of anything else but your lips and how they would feel on mine, and my body grew hot and I could sense so much more things than before..."

„Shh, shh, Ellis" Nadie interrupted her, sounding definitely amused now. „That weren't your powers... it was you growing up, like I said. These things were an emotion adults experience sometimes... lust." Nadie grinned again. „It seems that you are attracted to my body too, not just my personality. I should feel honored, I guess. When you were thinking of my lips, you wanted to kiss me."

„K-kiss?" Ellis asked, opening her eyes wide. „But... when you want to kiss someone, you should think about the eyes, about the hair and about gentle hands..." Ellis blushed. „Not about lips and... skin."

Nadie chuckled. „This is only for kisses in crappy romance novels, Ellis" she told the other girl, finally letting go of Ellis' shoulders. „Real kisses can be very different... and especially when you lust after someone, then you often think of your partner in a... primal way. It's completely natural. Mostly when that happens, your body wants more than just a romantic kiss..." Nadie grinned again, especially cheeky this time. „And it seems you like to be on top." Ellis felt quite confused and uneasy in this moment, and Nadie seemed to have mercy on her. She stopped teasing, took Ellis' hands in her own ones and became serious again. „Would you look at that?" she said, maybe speaking to herself. „Just an hour ago I was still scared that you could awake as a different person than you are now... and now you are so irresistably cute again, Ellis."

„Cute?" Ellis asked, being disappointed. Was that all she was for Nadie? Did Nadie just love her because Ellis was... cute?

„Yes, cute" Nadie said. Then she put her hand on Ellis' cheek. „Or beautiful... or funny... or elegant... say what you want to be, Ellis." She looked deeply into Ellis' eyes. „Because I'm so hopelessly in love with you that I'd say anything you want to hear."

Ellis blushed again. It was like she had thought... at night she had been in total control, of the actions and the words... and now in daylight Nadie was the dominant one. „So... everything is alright?" she asked shyly. „Between us?"

Nadie pulled her hand back. „Well..." she began. „I would be glad, if we could forget about last night, Ellis."

„Oh" Ellis made. Her happiness changed into sadness in a second. So it HAD been too much... Nadie didn't want their relationship to change... even if she loved her. She should have known. Nadie loved to be free. „I understand."

Nadie noticed her change of mood of course. She laid her hand on Ellis', smiling. „Not everything of course" she put Ellis' mind at rest. „I could never forget what I said to you... I just want more time... to get to know you better, Ellis. The whole you, not just the cute girl. The aggressive you, the wise you, the naughty you... I want to make sure that I love each facet of you..." Her eyes twinkled. „...when we share a bed again."

A wave of relief warmed Ellis' body. She smiled at Nadie... a true, honest smile. „So you won't be mad... if I want to kiss you sometime?"

Nadie wagged a finger and told her in a fake stern voice: „What did I say about getting to know each other better, Ellis?" When Ellis flinched, she laughed and cupped Ellis' cheeks in her hands. She moved her head forward, her forehead touching Ellis'. „I'm just kidding. Of course I would like you to kiss me again... although the night wasn't all too pleasant, your kiss was incredible, Ellis. Just don't do it right in public, if you can manage... people can be strange about these things."

„Ok."

There was a moment of silence between them, comfortable silence this time. Then Ellis felt a similar feeling to the one Nadie had described... lust? Her senses became sharper, or no... focused on Nadie, intensifying the sensations of their skin touching and Nadie's strong, exciting smell. She felt her heart beating faster. Although her eyes were closed right now, she could see Nadie's slightly parted lips in her mind. They seemed to call her name. The urge wasn't as strong as last night, but it was definitely the same kind of emotion.

„Nadie?" she breathed. „We are alone right now."

She could practically FEEL Nadie grinning. „So it seems", the redhead answered.

Nadie didn't make it easy for her. „You said we could kiss, when we are alone."

Nadie pulled her head back, looking into Ellis' eyes, her hands still staying on Ellis' cheeks. „Do you want to kiss me again, you naughty witch?" she asked teasingly. Her voice sounded calm, but Ellis thought she could hear a slight undertone of eagerness it it.

Ellis pouted. „Don't call me that" she chided Nadie. Then she became serious. Her hands found Nadie's, squeezing them. „No, Nadie... I want YOU to kiss ME. If you want to."

Nadie raised an eyebrow and pulled her hands back. „Last night you were a little more... imperious" she told the other girl, still smiling.

„I know" Ellis muttered. „Nadie... I think I owe you this kiss... because of that unpleasant memory."

Nadie grimaced. „Well... I guess I could use a new nice memory to wash that one away" she said. She put her hands on Ellis' shoulders and pulled the other girl closer, until their faces nearly touched each other. Her eyes were glowing. Just looking at them caused Ellis' body to become hotter... and Nadie's hoarse voice wasn't helping. „But it would have to be a... REALLY nice memory."

„I'll do my best" Ellis whispered, closing her eyes and pursing her lips.

She didn't know what to expect, but since she had been the dominant one last night, she expected Nadie's lips to be as aggressive and wild as hers had been, trying to fulfill the passion inside of her frantically. But as Nadie's lips touched hers, it was a painfully slow process, starting as the touch of a butterfly's wings and slowly adding pressure. Ellis moaned in protest, Nadie was driving her crazy, but the girl didn't care. She continued to massage Ellis' lips thoroughly, taking her time to explore each millimeter of her skin. And then, suddenly, the passion inside of Ellis vanished. This was a whole different art of kissing, full of tenderness and love, not of fire and passion... and it wasn't worse than her kiss last night. Not at all. While her kiss had filled her whole body with heat and pleasure, Nadie's loving kiss seemed to make her feelings for Nadie grow, making her feel lightheaded and taking her into a realm of white bliss. She felt like her soul was touching Nadie's, dancing with her.

When Nadie finally wanted to end the kiss, Ellis didn't agree. She pushed her tongue against Nadie's lips, pleading for entrance, which seemed to surprise Nadie a bit. But then her own tongue greeted Ellis' and they playfully tried to find a way into the other's mouth. Ellis felt like she was flying. Even now this kiss wasn't as passionate as hers last night... it was nearly a ritual of merging two parted beings into one again. Their movements were still slow, enjoying each touch to the fullest, reaching new heavens with each movement of the lips and tongues. Ellis hardly noticed that she was running out of breath.

Suddenly Nadie pushed her away and both of them started panting heavily. Respect... and amusement... and desire were visible in Nadie's eyes, while they were both trying not to die from breathlessness.

„I thought this... was MY kiss, Ellis" Nadie said, still inhaling air. Her lips tried to form a grin. „But in the end... you were quite forceful."

„It was a... wonderful kiss, Nadie... But it was our second first kiss" Ellis told her, slowly getting her breathing under control. She smiled back. „I wanted it to be something special."

Nadie pulled her in a hug again, as tender as her kiss had been. „It was, Ellis" she whispered. „It was definitely special. I love you."

Warmth filled Ellis body, different from the one she had felt last night... a soothing, gentle warmth, not the flames of passion. She hugged Nadie back, smiling like she never had before. „I love you too, Nadie" she answered the girl. „I'm so happy!"

Ellis didn't know how long they kept up this embrace, and she didn't really care. But as with the kiss it was Nadie, who ended it. „Come on", she told Ellis, rubbing her nose against the nose of the blonde girl playfully. „I'd love to continue this as much as you do, but I don't wanna rush things... how about we go and eat some tacos and leave town then?... I want to feel the wind in my hair again."

Ellis beamed with joy. She saluted. „Yes sir!" She was glad that the rest of their life wouldn't change... as she had told Roberto and Nina, she loved to see the freedom in Nadie's eyes. She was sure now, that their love would grow stronger, as Nadie had said. And that, one day, they would both... want to share more than a kiss. And whom of them would be „on top" then... well, who could say?

--

That was a long chapter! But now this story is finished too. What do you think?


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